Have you found yourself stressing more about `performing’ sex than actually enjoying intimacy in the moment? If you identify with this statement, find your mind racing with thoughts and feel the fun slipping away during sex, then this blog is for you.

Welcome anxiety, the direct nemesis of sexual arousal and in turn the scoundrel of your sexual life. Sexual performance anxiety and premature ejaculation are common but overlooked challenges that can quickly dampen intimacy and confidence in men. Studies report that sexual performance anxiety (SPA) affects 9-25% of men with premature ejaculation affecting 20-30% of the world’s population (1).

Addressing the root cause of the problems is a vital part of any treatment. Practices such as mindfulness and meditation help in focusing your thoughts and centring yourself in the moment. This blog will explore how these powerful tools can help manage performance anxiety, and premature ejaculation and what research backs these claims.

Understanding the challenges: Sexual performance anxiety and Premature Ejaculation

Sexual performance anxiety is a psychological condition where anxiety about one’s sexual performance overwhelms the mind, leading to difficulties in achieving or maintaining an erection. This can create a mental barrier, preventing a man from engaging in the moment and shifting the focus from physical sensations to a cycle of self-critical thoughts and worries.

Performance anxiety arises from a person’s constant worrying about their ability to `perform well’ during a sexual act. This creates a negative feedback loop where initial anxiety about sex can lead to an unsatisfactory sexual experience, which can then increase anxiety about further encounters.

This feeling of inadequacy and low self-esteem can lead to physical symptoms such as erectile dysfunction. Simply put, stress and anxiety about not being able to please your partner results in a negative state of mind. This can further lead to the development of sexual dysfunction in men and affect their ability to perform sexually.

Premature Ejaculation

Ejaculation refers to the release of sperm from a man’s body. Premature ejaculation occurs when a man ‘finishes’ or ejaculates sooner than a man would want during sex. Premature ejaculation isn’t a cause for concern if it happens once in a while. However, when it becomes a common occurrence that starts affecting your relationship with your partner, it becomes crucial to understand the root cause.

Men suffering from anxiety-induced PE find themselves stuck in a loop of constant worrying which disconnects them from the sexual experience. This can be challenging, making it difficult to control the rhythm of sex leading to premature ejaculation.

The science behind Mindfulness and Meditation

The practice of mindfulness has been around for more than 2500 years and was later incorporated in the West to wield it as a tool of intervention. This meditative practice from Buddhism refers to the “ability to become aware of the present and develop an awareness of sensation through thought or practice, without judgement.”

Mindfulness is centred on focusing and occupying oneself with the immediate experience. It helps in recognizing the present external or internal experience within the moment itself. Research indicates that practising mindfulness develops patience and a series of capacities such as stress reduction and pain management.

Mindfulness for Sexual Performance Anxiety and Premature Ejaculation

Sexual problems can stem from anxiety, self-criticism, inhibitions, distractions and judgements. As a result, techniques related to meditation and mindfulness can be introduced in sexual therapy aimed towards improving attention and concentration. Mindfulness aims at improving the quality of life of people who practice it and enables them to experience the present without judgments and feelings of guilt.

Studies indicate that incorporating mindfulness in a couple’s sexual therapy increases satisfaction with their sexual experience and relationship (2). Other research revealed that practising mindfulness effectively improved sexual desire while decreasing the level of performance anxiety in men (3).

In fact, practising m

editation and mindfulness has also shown a positive effect in men with erectile dysfunction. The results could be attributed to the fact that mindfulness directs attention towards sexual stimulation and reduces distraction.

How to Practice sexual mindfulness and guided meditation

Okay, so you know the theory, but how do you implement it in your daily life? Let’s talk about some tips to get you started.

1. Consistency: Staying consistent might be the biggest hurdle you face during your journey. Meditation and focusing on centring your thoughts can be difficult in the beginning. With a million thoughts running through one’s head, the idea of just having a centred thought focused on breathing might sound daunting. However, that is where consistency comes into play. It’s important to remain consistent and practice mindfulness every day. After all, even Rome wasn’t built in a single day.

2. Practice outside of sex: Start practicing meditation in your non-sexual life in the beginning. Take out some time from the daily grind, centre yourself and practice mindfulness. Taking a yoga class or practising mindfulness breathing exercises can work as a springboard towards your journey.

3. Work on your ambience: Yes, you read that right. Even men can benefit by creating an ambience that uplifts their spirits and helps them centre their thoughts. Indulge in self-care by setting up that mood lighting, choosing a quiet time, the right music and engaging all your senses. Take a moment and focus on not just getting off but on each sensation you experience.

4. Turn off the devices: An important part of incorporating mindfulness is turning off the sources of your distractions. Turn down the TV, put your phone on silent and create a focused space around you and your partner where you both can feel every moment without distractions.

5. Take the pressure off: Mindfulness focuses on accepting your present moment and relieving yourself from judgements. Being kind to yourself is a stepping stone towards letting go of your anxieties. Understand that sex is so much more than just reaching an orgasm. Great sex can be about connecting with your partner emotionally and pleasuring each other. Taking off orgasms from the table can help you focus on just the pleasure itself rather than the constant worry about climaxing.

6. Practice mindfulness during masturbation: Focus on loosening your body and enjoy the sensation running through your body. Instead of rushing through, centre yourself in the moment and let yourself feel all the pleasurable sensations as you build up your climax. While doing so, set aside any negative thoughts and tune them into background noise.

7. Learn to recognise your peak: Another great practice for men suffering from premature ejaculation is recognising their body responses. Understand when your body is reaching climax and alter your touches to lessen the sensation to your penis. This helps in gaining better control of your body and helps ground all your thoughts towards feeling sensual pleasure.

8. Guided imagery: Men can be visual creatures and if you are one of them then guided imagery can help. Walk yourself through a specific scenario and focus your thoughts on that image. If you find your mind wandering then recognise those distractions, breathe and gently bring your attention back towards your visualisation.

Conclusion

The benefits of mindfulness and meditation can stretch beyond sex. Consistency and kindness to yourself can help you evolve your sexual intimacy. Recognising the problem and the root cause can help you distil your issue and recentre your approach. Commit to slowing down, practice mindfulness in your intimate life and you may see the results within a few weeks.