Have you found yourself scrolling through your Instagram, swiping and liking photos of influencers with the perfect life, perfect body and perfect everything?

Welcome to the era where body image isn’t just a concept or thought. It’s an omnipresent entity that is thrust in your face every time you open your phone, thanks to social media.

The concept of body image has always been around, from the glossy magazine pages to the endless scroll of Instagram. However, now it’s more in our faces than ever before, with every like, swipe and subscribe. The constant exposure to these glossy standards and the pressure to fit in is more palpable than ever.

And here is the kicker; body image isn’t just a ‘woman’s issue’. From teenagers to men, women and adults all are grappling with the same question – “Do I measure up?”

It’s easy to feel inadequate in today’s world of Photoshop and filters. The constant barrage of ‘sexy images’ and ‘perfect skin’ sets an unrealistic standard against which we judge ourselves. For many, these feelings don’t just stay in their mind; they start seeping into our intimate lives. The relationship between body image and sexual function is more interlinked than you might know. Visualising ourselves significantly impacts how we connect with our partners and experience intimacy.

This blog will explore the fascinating link between body image and sexual desire. We’ll talk about why this issue is increasingly becoming prominent and its subtle effects on your intimate life, along with tips on how to identify and combat it. Like RuPaul said, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

Understanding the struggle with Body Image

In simple words, body image is how you perceive your body to be and reflects how comfortable you feel in your body. It can vary between positive and negative experiences about one’s body.

Research reports that a negative body image can affect a person’s sexual behaviour, attitude and social well-being. A positive feeling about one’s body and self-esteem is interlinked with sexual pleasure.

On the other hand, a negative body image can serve as one of the biggest disrupters of desire and sexual enjoyment. It can result in ‘spectatoring’, a process where a person fixates on themselves rather than on intimacy and their partner. This can lead to sexual performance anxiety and cause harmful effects on one’s sex life.

Body image has emerged as one of the major factors influencing sexual functioning, especially in women. However, recent evidence shows that body dissatisfaction may be equally damaging for men. Pop culture showcases a man’s body as more muscular and leaner than before (1). This increases the likelihood of men taking steroids and other supplements to alter their body size to conform to today’s standards.

Why do we struggle with body image?

Exposure to the “right” body type starts from a young age. A study revealed that children as young as 3 years reported having body image issues in the UK. Most of the concerns came from children between the ages of 6 to 10 years. This study indicated that anxiety about body image is starting to occur at even younger ages than before.

The easy access to social media and the constant exposure to everyone and everything make it hard to understand what the world deems attractive. A study of female models revealed that despite having a better gauge of their body sizes, these models still struggled with body image issues (2). Essentially, the women that we use to compare and use as the standard of beauty also struggle with body image.

How do you recognise a negative body image?

Some of you might already be aware of the concept and effects of a negative body image. Some of you may be exploring how you can feel more confident in your sexual experiences. If you experience the following thoughts, then that might indicate a negative body image:

1. Avoid looking at yourself in the mirror or being averse to getting your pictures clicked.

2. Feeling like you could be sexier, prettier, thinner, bigger, taller or other such qualities.

3. Not being able to accept a compliment about your physical attribute and replying by making a sarcastic comment or brushing it off.

4. Feeling a negative or sinking sensation when you start thinking about your body.

5. Feeling extremely conscious about what you can or can not wear and how you’ll be judged on that basis.

6. Feeling anxious about undressing in front of your partner and catching yourself thinking about how you look during sex.

The impact of body image on sexual intimacy

Your feelings and perceptions regarding your physical appearance can directly influence your sex life. Psychological issues such as depression and anxiety can stem from a negative body image. There are several studies to back this up. A study determined that women with a positive body image had higher sexual functioning compared to women with a negative body perception. Sexual function declines significantly for women dissatisfied with their bodily appearance.

Body image issues can impact an individual in two ways: how you perceive yourself and how you think other people see you.

When a person feels that their body is unattractive, it leads to lower sexual self-esteem, which can manifest by a desire to avoid sex entirely. This can also lead to sexual performance anxiety since the more anxious you get during sex, the more difficult it is to achieve orgasm. The vicious cycle of negatively viewing your body and affecting your sexual life can be hard to break.

Secondly, feeling that a partner is attracted to you leads to high sexual functioning. However, if a negative thought about how others perceive your body is stuck in the head, it can create a psychological roadblock in achieving sexual release.

Essentially, a negative body image is the voice in your head that constantly tells you that you need to be thinner, curvier, prettier, leaner, taller, etc, before going on a date. It plants a constant seed of doubt that fans low self-esteem and becomes your sex life’s worst enemy.

So, how to overcome this issue and start the journey towards self-love? There are some tangible and practical tips that you can try to improve your sex life.

How to improve your relationship with your body?

1. Identify what you like about your body
Okay, so you have some insecurities about certain body parts. Most of us feel insecure about certain physical features and try to hide them. In this turn, however, try leaning into the physical features that you do like about yourself. Highlight those features and flaunt them confidently. Identifying your body type and wearing clothes that flatter your figure can be a great baby step towards instilling self-confidence. This can also be a stepping stone towards slowly becoming comfortable with your insecurities.

2. Accept those compliments!
The next time your entire being tells you to shut down a compliment or evade it, Stop. Consciously curb that insidious voice telling you that they don’t actually mean the compliment.

Backtrack, take a pause and accept that compliment.

Understand that you don’t actually know what your partner is thinking. Don’t brush them off and internalise that compliment.

3. Understand your buttons
We all have certain triggers that can initiate a cycle of self-doubt in our minds. It can be talking to a particular person who makes unkind or intrusive remarks like an over bothered relative or seeing someone’s pictures online. Identifying these trigger points and avoiding them as much as possible is beneficial.

Similarly, explore what turns you on and makes you feel the most comfortable during sex. Do you prefer having lights on or off? Does music put your mind at ease? Talk about your preferences with your partner and create an environment that puts your mind at ease.

4. Follow the right people
A great thing about social media is that right now, there are influencers and activists from all regions embracing different types of bodies. If your social media feed doesn’t look like you, then it’s time to change things. Firstly, cull the accounts that make you feel like there is a pit in your stomach. Comparing yourself to a model or a fitness influencer isn’t realistic. Find creators with body types similar to yours and are further along their body positivity journey. Not only will this make you feel seen, but it will also motivate your journey.

5. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is the art of focusing only on your present thoughts and drowning out the stream of negative noises. Constant thoughts about your body can be distracting and divert your attention away from actually experiencing sexual intimacy. Mindfulness is a great way to refocus yourself on enjoying the intimate sensations. You can start by practising mindfulness outside sex and then slowly incorporate it within your sex life.

6. Talk to a therapist
Therapy can help you navigate your journey towards accepting your body. A therapist will hear your concerns and find the root cause behind the insecurity while helping you with actionable advice. Therapy can also help in exploring other ways to improve your sex life and improve your self-esteem.

Conclusion

The journey towards accepting your body can be challenging and long. It is essential to be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace of stumbling along the path towards self-love. This change doesn’t happen overnight; however, consistently taking baby steps towards accepting your body helps. Ultimately, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to lose or gain weight or be taller or leaner to deserve love and attention. We all are worthy of sexual pleasure and desires.